The Power of Words


The girl in the oversized t-shirt
March 6, 2010, 3:20 pm
Filed under: Beauty, Bullying, Eating Disorder, Life, School | Tags: , , ,

We all know the girl who wears an oversized t-shirt to the beach or the pool.  The girl who never takes it off because she doesn’t like the way her body is.  We all know the girl who wears twenty hair ties on her arms to cover her struggles.  The girl who never knew how to ask for help because she didn’t know how to ask for it.

And we all know the girl who has gone 11 days without doing the horrid act.

And the girl who doesn’t lie when she smiles anymore.

And the girl who is beginning to question the use of the oversized t-shirt.

And the girl who holds her head high and doesn’t look back on her former life: a life of repeated peer abuse.

We all know the girl who doesn’t wear make-up because she believes that it is a lie: covering your faults as if to erase them.

Here’s the girl who is herself.

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words: 1. speech or talk; 2. text or lyrics of a song; 3. contentious or angry speech

This past summer, a great friend of mine said something that really stuck with me.  Words, when used as put downs, are extremely heavy, they weigh you down.  I’ve woken up many times in my life, struggling to get out of bed, because the weight of my oppression was so great and I couldn’t rise against it. 

She said, the pain you feel is like carrying a backpack and going up an empty hill, with each step a water bottle is added.  At first, the load is minimal, and you think nothing of it, but soon the weight accumulates and you start to get dragged down.  But, even at that, you must continue climbing up, with each step, the climb becomes more and more difficult.  Once you reach the top, everyone takes a sip out of those bottles, but when you go to get yours, you realize there are none left. 

Bullying has that evil, nasty effect that make the victims seem shameful and the bullies feel like champions.  But, truly, there is no battle, there is no fight.  Bullying isn’t a war, rather a betrayal, betraying trusts and bonds between two or more people.  The shock factor isn’t really about what was said or what was done, rather the effrontery and the insolence of the bully. 

Friends are friends, but in this day and age, it seems as if friends are tending to be foes.

I trust no one, just my rationality.



Hate: to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest

Are humans stupid to love, hope, and dream?  Are we stupid to live?  Hate surrounds us all, it’s unfair and blind.  Are we blind as to its own existence?  I didn’t know that I could hate until this year.  I learned that grudges, when not treated at their start always spawns into hate, and that sometimes, you even forget why you hate someone. 

Today, on my Facebook, I had a few hate messages.  I’m thinking of quitting Facebook for good.  It just isn’t fair that I get hate messages.  Why do people hate me?  Why am I invisible?  My best friend gave me a look of hatred because I might move and I was completely ignored today.  I just love school. 

I just cannot fathom how some people can be so cruel to others, how do they live with themselves?  How can you live with the fact that you are hurting other people.  How do you love if you are living a life of hate?  I wouldn’t be able to do that, but I guess some people are so cold that they have no problem hating others.

I wish I could just fly away to where I am loved, if there exists such a place.  If I could go back two days to where I was lying in the snow, staring at the clouds, with family and friends by my side, I wouldn’t be crying right now.  I guess I’ve figured what hate means.  And it means emptiness.

I’m feeling empty.



Un-be-knownst: unknown; unperceived; without someone’s knowledge

Yesterday, I biked to the beach, short shorts and a tank top covered my bathing suit.  I was ready for fun.  While I was running around and dancing and biking, the sun decided it would leave me an unfair reminder.  Yes, I got  a sunburn.  My brains didn’t tell me “Oh!  The sun is out, how about some sunscreen!” and now I’m burned.

You see, life isn’t a box of chocolates, it’s more like spicy jalapenos  What you do today, might burn you in the ass tomorrow.  I find that as a whole, our society tends to try to “fix” things.  We operate under the notion that things can just be solved with a flash of cash, but truly, it can’t.  We either solve short-term problems with long-term solutions or just band aid something.  Bread and circuses.

Okay, I’ll admit.  I’ve been burned numerous times.  Sometimes, you just get carried away with life, sometimes people trust too easily.  I should’ve known that the emails were coming.  I believed that I had friends, and that was silly.  I trusted my “friends” and, like the jalapenos, my ass was soon burned.  When you think things couldn’t be any better, life hits you.  And life smacked me right in the face.  It was difficult to get back up.  You know the old saying “When you fall, just get back up again,” it’s about as true as “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  Both are such falsities.

As a writer, I know that words are so powerful.  It’s astonishing how much power these insignificant letters have.

I guess I’m expressing their power through my blog.