The Power of Words


Spring Break is in the air…

It’s every teenager’s dream, right?  Live by the beach in the warm weather.  Go tanning every day?  Spring break!  But.. it’s not as lovely as it seems.  I’d like to thank my mother for my abnormally fair skin.  Yes, I am the girl whose mother constantly nags and warns about the dangers of the sun.  I’ve gotten quite used to it.  In fact, I actually like my fair complexion.

For the first time all week I’ve gotten out of the house.  I’ve been sick.  On Spring Break.  Lovely, eh?

So I went to the beach today with a couple of friends.  I decided I’d let people judge.  I didn’t wear my watch to cover my scars (some fresh, sadly) and I wore a bikini.  If people want to judge, by all means.  I, however, will not return the favor. 

I had a lovely time.  It’s nice to be carefree every now and then.  I felt like a normal teenager for the first time in months, and I got a tan (sunburn, sunburn, sunburn).  Okay, what am I kidding, I got sunburnt… a little… but my face is tanned!

I guess being an adoptee makes adoption seem more obvious in the real world.  When you see a young Asian girl with white parents you immediately feel her pain, even though she might not feel it yet.  Everywhere I look I see adoption.  It’s like I can run, but I can’t hide.  I mean, while I was in line for an ice cream some newlyweds were discussing which ethnicity of a child to get as if children were just a commodity.  The sad thing is, they are.  I don’t think people realize how often children are just sold.

While I was sick I was watching Lifetime movies.  Mom at 16, The Pregnancy Pact, Baby for Sale, and other titles I cannot remember.  Adoption, adoption, adoption. 

I’m not against adoption being in the media, I’m against the way it is portrayed.  There are some things that must be acknowledged with adoption. 

There is loss, and there is pain. 

There are some things that must be changed with adoption.

There is corruption, there is a lack of rights.

If these movies that reached thousands of people would have information that addressed the above mentioned, then I would be okay with this industry.  Life isn’t a Juno, at all.  Babies aren’t clean slates.  Isn’t it obvious?

If you drop a child on its head as a baby, the effects would be visible.  Why can’t the effects of adoption be as visible?  Do people need special glasses?  I’m willing to hand out pairs.  It’s time we fixed this blindness.

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The girl in the oversized t-shirt
March 6, 2010, 3:20 pm
Filed under: Beauty, Bullying, Eating Disorder, Life, School | Tags: , , ,

We all know the girl who wears an oversized t-shirt to the beach or the pool.  The girl who never takes it off because she doesn’t like the way her body is.  We all know the girl who wears twenty hair ties on her arms to cover her struggles.  The girl who never knew how to ask for help because she didn’t know how to ask for it.

And we all know the girl who has gone 11 days without doing the horrid act.

And the girl who doesn’t lie when she smiles anymore.

And the girl who is beginning to question the use of the oversized t-shirt.

And the girl who holds her head high and doesn’t look back on her former life: a life of repeated peer abuse.

We all know the girl who doesn’t wear make-up because she believes that it is a lie: covering your faults as if to erase them.

Here’s the girl who is herself.



ad-dict: one who is addicted
January 14, 2010, 1:14 am
Filed under: Beauty, Bullying | Tags: , , , ,

I solved my addiction last year, or else, I thought I did.  Things had gotten so tough last year, so I began cutting.  I’ve always referred to it as “The Bad Thing” and today I did the bad thing.  It was somewhat spontaneous, yet in a way planned.  I feel so sick because I wanted to make 2010 cutting free, I guess it’s a little late for that.

But, aside from my cutting addiction, I know many addicts.  One of my friends in addicted to makeup, no…  She’s addicted to material items.  She suffers from materialism which is a terrible disease.  Romeo stated it perfectly in Shakespeare’s play when he said “There is thy gold- worse poison to men’s soul, doing more murder in this loathsome world than these poor compounds thou mayst not sell.”  Leo Tolstoy told us what we really need: 6 ft.  You can have all the land in the world, but when your time arrives, you’ll only take up the space needed for your coffin.

And some people, are addicted to cruelty.  They are the people who go up to you and push your buttons when they already know that your buttons have been overpushed.  Those people are some of the worst.  That addiction is very difficult to get over.

Life is too short to waste time hurting people, or finding comfort in material items.  Life is meant for the living, and meant to be lived.  Addiction is preventing that. 

Of course I’m a hypocrite and am going into withdrawal from Starbucks.  “Must… have… coffee!”



beau-ty: qualities that give pleasures to the senses or exalt the mind
January 11, 2010, 2:24 am
Filed under: Beauty, Bullying, Life, Ramblings, Words | Tags: , , , , ,

After a heated discussion with a best friend, I’ve concluded that beauty is something I do not possess.  Yes, even I admit to an atrocity. I am not, by society’s standards, pretty.  By beauty’s definition, beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.  I guess by my friend’s eye, I am lacking of qualities that exalt the mind.

But, in my eyes beauty is from within.  This world we are living in is so materialistic that we don’t even acknowledge things we already have.  Some people have eyes that are so intricate and unique but are so quick to go out and by makeup to plaster around it.  People’s imperfections make them perfect.  I will not succumb to the patriarchal paradigm.  I will not become a sheep in society, rather rebel against the objectification of women. 

When shopping for a bra with my mom, I saw bras with so much push up I wanted to puke.  Why would you try to make your breasts look any bigger?  I mean, you are who you are and you may be fooling others but you definitely aren’t fooling yourself.

And at the airport this winter, seeing a ten year old clad with makeup, high heels, and a Gucci bag, I seriously began to question the extent of society’s imprint.  A ten year old girl shouldn’t be wearing high heels or makeup or carrying around a purse that costs more than my laptop.  It is a sickening affair that is terrorizing the nation.

After that, I’ve decided that my friend who tried to conform me isn’t my friend.  A friend understands you and doesn’t try changing you.

Everyone who has met me knows that I am who I am and no matter how hard you try, things will always be that way.

 You are beautiful.