The Power of Words

March 18, 2010, 6:56 pm
Filed under: Adoption, Bullying, Life, School | Tags: , , , , ,

I’ve never been anyone’s favorite.  I was never daddy’s little girl, I was never his kid.  This past weekend my father said some hurtful things.  But when he says those words, it’s not him speaking, it’s the alcohol.  I learned at a young age not to take his words to heart.  He didn’t mean it, he doesn’t know what he’s saying.  I wish I knew what he was like before the drinking.  I wish I knew him before his breathing became labored, and his face was red from the drug.

People say “adopted children are lucky.”  No, truly we are not.  I have not had an easy life, that is for sure.  For the past 14 years I’ve been trying to make my parents proud and have been failing greatly.  All I want is a pat on the back, a job well done.  I just want to be loved.  Is it that hard?

The head softball coach for JV quit Monday.  The assistant is now our only coach.  He’s chosen his favorite, and it’s not him.  I’m trying so hard to get liked, to be… noticed.  I’ve grown to love infield.  I can catch a popfly.  I mean, I can catch a popfly.  My old coach asked my friend if she’d been feeding me nails for breakfast because I’m so aggressive out there.  Yet, despite my aggressiveness and my technique, I’m not good enough.  One girl has an awful technique but is cute.  The coach even has a nickname for her.  She got to play for the full game and I was taken out after the third inning (at least I wasn’t a sub this time).  And my friend, who’s been playing softball for years was playing as a sub in the second string.  What’s wrong with this picture? 

Well, actually.  I am a favorite now.  Not by my father, not by my teachers, and definitely not by my coaches.  I’m someone’s “freshman.”  Not like the whole “get me stuff” relationship, but more of a “you’re cool, let’s hang” type of thing.  It’s pretty cool. 

Plus, she can beat up the junior who made me do all her work at practice yesterday and then hit me.  *sighs*


10 Comments so far
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Does your dad’s drinking impact your attitude toward alcohol? I know my son’s attitude was affected by seeing people around him drinking and how they’d act. I’d have to add myself to “those people” a couple of times. Nothing too extreme, just that I was different after drinks and he didn’t like it.

Glad to read you’re still playing ball!

Comment by Campbell

It affects it, but not in the way you would think… I got drunk when I was 11. Now I’m kind of straying away from it. I figured my life was screwed from the beginning so who gave a shit. Now I want to be the opposite of him, but… it’s hard.

I’m still playing ball. I get frustrated with the coaches (wait, COACH singular) because none of the girls show up and they play full game even if they can’t catch or throw (while I can throw from home to way past 2nd base accurately…)


Comment by lostinanobscure

Oh nice arm. Ever considered playing catcher? It’s not my deal, but it’s a very important position on the team in fastball. And, you have to be able to throw people out at second…and be able to take getting hit.

It is hard to not drink, especially when you were thinking why not, my life is screwed anyway. I get that.

It’s your adoptive dad right? Don’t have to worry about the addictive gene 😛

That’s something that was kind of a relief in being adopted, not inheriting the crazy stuff of my mom.

Comment by Campbell

I don’t want to play catcher. Anyways, the catcher is pretty good… we just don’t have a good pitcher… I like outfield, less pressure. And when the ball is hit to the fence I can sprint it and throw it to the cut off faster than anyone else on the team. 🙂

I don’t have to worry about the addictive gene but… still. I wish I could have that addictive gene if I were with him.

Meh. It’s hard but so’s life. I mean, I don’t want to be like all the other teens who drink because they think it’s cool. I think it’s cool to actually give a shit about your future. I’m slowly working on doing that.

Comment by lostinanobscure

If catcher was all that I would be able to play, I wouldn’t play. I like the action that goes on there, but I do not like the bat swinging in face and the fact that they have to wear the protective gear. It’s a hot, sweaty, dangerous job but somebody’s gotta do it. It just won’t ever be me!

Comment by Campbell

It’s more dangerous in the outfield if you have to run from left to right then back to left because no one does their job. I almost passed out during a practice. Haha.

Comment by lostinanobscure

Hah been there done that, and as a manager/coach (very informally as it was a “for fun” team) been the one trying to get the slugs who just stand there to move once the ball is hit, even if it’s not coming to them. Outfielders should be covering all the time, whether it’s the fielder next to them or covering a base the ball is being hit to or thrown to.

All I can say is the better you get, the better the team, and then every player is expected to do their part.

Sadly there’s always still politics in sport, you should see how it is in competitive hockey. It’s brutal!

Comment by Campbell

I used to play hockey. I should know.

I’m going to mention something to my coach.

Comment by lostinanobscure

Is it the same in ladies hockey? All the wacko parents and the insane cost to play? My friend just told me that it cost her $7000 CDN for her son to play hockey this past season!!! These people aren’t exactly wealthy either. Crazy..

Comment by Campbell

I played when I was about 10, but the parents are pretty crazy.

I was on a co-ed team so at least we were good. It wasn’t expensive when I played because it was a small town and they just needed players.

Comment by lostinanobscure

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