The Power of Words

grat-i-tude: the quality of being grateful or thankful
December 29, 2009, 2:40 pm
Filed under: Bullying, Life, Words | Tags: , , , , , ,

This past year, people have gone in and out of my life. I shared laughs with some of the most interesting people, and I befriended an unusual bunch. Some things were hard, but the strength my friends gave me, helped me get through.

The beginning of the year started with tears. I lost a friendship that ended disastrously and I now understood what it felt like to be crushed. I learned that people can be cruel, vicious, and attack anyone, at any time, or at any rate. I cried almost everyday, I truly was in shock but did that stop me? No, I have an amazing family as well as friends that I know will always be by my side. I went on a mission, to prove to everyone, especially me, that even through the toughest times you can still rise against. I rose against my enemy, and my enemy was myself.

The year dwindled on as a continuation of previous events, rarely stopping the frustration and turmoil bestowed upon me. I received death threats, though farces, as a proof that jealousy solves nothing. Things were written about me, things were said. I was bamboozled into the thought that things could be resolved in the blink of an eye, but things take time. Life is composed of little days, months, and years, all insignificant in the span of human existence, but quintessential in survival.

I’m so thankful to my friends who’ve given me strength.

Summertime came and I was given a chance to start over, and I gladly accepted. But as I said previously, things take time. I didn’t allow myself that time, or anyone for that matter. I learned a lot of things with being around little children. One child, named after a certain serial killer, taught me to love blindly, and to just trust your instincts. Some people taught me that I am no greater or no lesser than others. If I live in America, a country founded on the institution of equality, why are they any better than me. Who are they to judge, mock, and ridicule? And I passed that philosophy on to a girl who also had been prejudged by peers.

I learned that there is love in the world, whether you can see it or not. Some people are fighters, some lovers, some thinkers, and some fixers. We aren’t one or another, but rather a mixture of them all. Everyone serves a purpose and I just figured out the purpose of my attackers. Their words, their hurt was meant for me to stumble, but instead I just stood taller. I knew who I was as a person, but they didn’t. I found out earlier than most, and for that I am grateful.

I went back to school in higher spirits than before, although a tad anxious that the contention was still greatly present, school started nicely. I met new friends and I know, for a fact that they are forever. Some people come and go, and others stay forever. My friends are the kind that are forever.

Although I also learned that I am naïve, the hard way, I was surprisingly optimistic about the future. “Things are going to get better soon, I know it!” became one of my many new mottos.

My feelings are important, and I know that ignoring them is bad. I don’t ignore my emotions, or put them on hold, but moreover, I use rationality before acting on them. Showing emotions is something that I don’t often do, it shows weakness and that is how I would like to present myself. But hiding them, is sometimes so hard.

While this year might have been hectic (and *I* spelled that right) I know that 2010 will be a better year.

I would just like to thank all of those who helped me this year. Without you, I don’t know how I made it. Karma exists, may good fortune come your way.


glare: 1. very conspicuous. 2. to shine with a harsh dazzling light
December 19, 2009, 2:45 pm
Filed under: Adoption, Words | Tags: , , , , , ,

You know how when you’re watching a film, and in the most important part you can’t see what’s going on because the sun is shining directly on the screen?  That’s how I feel about adoption.  It seems as if there is this huge glare on its meaning.  Adoption is only right when a child is in need of a family, i.e. a true orphan or child abuse.  Today, people tend to overlook that.  Today any teen who gets pregnant is subject to coercive tactics for an infertile couple to attain the teen’s offspring.  It’s almost barbaric: preying on scared teenagers in their time of need.  Why not lend a hand, instead of take a person?

I honestly do wonder if this glare can ever be removed from adoption.  If people could grasp the pain ensued from adoption, if they could walk in the shoes of a first mother, or in those of an adoptee, maybe adoption would be like it is supposed to: only in true cases of need.

The problem with glares, however is that the only way to remove them is by blocking the light.  So what would we block the light on?  Teenage pregnancies?  Surrogates?  If we block the light on all of adoption, then we’d be getting nowhere in a quest for open records for all, and in some cases, such as foster care, adoption is the best option. 

If we block the light, do we block all hope?

Si-lence: the state of being silent. Stillness. Secrecy.
December 16, 2009, 7:48 pm
Filed under: Adoption, Bullying, Life, Ramblings, Words | Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s amazing how unnoticed I can be.  It’s as if I were oblivion: forgotten, unwanted.  Today I went five periods without talking.  I was compeletely reticent and did anyone even notice my presence?  Nope.  I was slapped in the head with a metal ruler by a junior, however.  Oh!  The wonders of being a freshman. 

I find this particularly disturbing because I’m supposed to have friends.  At least, I thought I did.  When I sat at lunch they were surprised to see me “Oh!  I didn’t know you were here today!”  Well, that’s comforting.

Sure, being silent in school isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but being silent about what is morally injust and defying the boundaries of ethics is.  The whole point in words is to use it to exercise our right to an opinion.  I’ve been silent on so many things in my life.  There is one thing I’m starting to speak out about, but not ready to declare, at the moment.  I’ve been speaking out about adoption ever since I heard of the BSE era, and the coercive tactics used in this world.   I honestly wish that instead of wanting a HWI (healthy white infant) people will begin to adopt out of foster care, where adoption actually makes sense.  I see no point in destroying a perfectly good family.  Sure, things might be tough for a while, but humans are adaptable species, things will work out.

If your name, culture, heritage, and family were stripped of you, would you be silent?

Some say silence is golden, but I choose noise.

Un-be-knownst: unknown; unperceived; without someone’s knowledge

Yesterday, I biked to the beach, short shorts and a tank top covered my bathing suit.  I was ready for fun.  While I was running around and dancing and biking, the sun decided it would leave me an unfair reminder.  Yes, I got  a sunburn.  My brains didn’t tell me “Oh!  The sun is out, how about some sunscreen!” and now I’m burned.

You see, life isn’t a box of chocolates, it’s more like spicy jalapenos  What you do today, might burn you in the ass tomorrow.  I find that as a whole, our society tends to try to “fix” things.  We operate under the notion that things can just be solved with a flash of cash, but truly, it can’t.  We either solve short-term problems with long-term solutions or just band aid something.  Bread and circuses.

Okay, I’ll admit.  I’ve been burned numerous times.  Sometimes, you just get carried away with life, sometimes people trust too easily.  I should’ve known that the emails were coming.  I believed that I had friends, and that was silly.  I trusted my “friends” and, like the jalapenos, my ass was soon burned.  When you think things couldn’t be any better, life hits you.  And life smacked me right in the face.  It was difficult to get back up.  You know the old saying “When you fall, just get back up again,” it’s about as true as “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  Both are such falsities.

As a writer, I know that words are so powerful.  It’s astonishing how much power these insignificant letters have.

I guess I’m expressing their power through my blog.

Ob-liv-i-on: the act of being completely forgotten or unknown.
December 12, 2009, 3:16 pm
Filed under: Adoption, Bullying, Ramblings, Words | Tags: , , , ,

One of my teachers always said “The first student’s name you learn is always that of the trouble maker.”

So, are the quiet, smart students forgotten in an oblivion?  Or are they just passed over by the premise that they understand, no need in teaching them.

As a current forgotten child on many levels: adoption and school, I’ve learned that sometimes oblivion is best.  Over the past two years I have been countlessly ridiculed, harassed, and tormented by evil peers.  I always was their primary focus, and now, after months of effort on my part, I’ve managed to avoid their radar.  I much prefer this, but being unnoticed is quite lonely.  When after two months of classes, the teacher still doesn’t know you exist, pain ensues.  I am a forgotten child, student, and friend. 

If I could speak out about what I find injust, then maybe I’d be “proud” of myself.  I believe that all adoptees should have access to their records, that way their culture, roots, and family will never descend into oblivion.  At the moment, I cannot obtain my records; I am a minor.  Yet, just because I cannot obtain my records doesn’t mean I’m not fighting. 

One day, my teacher asked “can you change the world?”  Most of the students said “If we all do our part, we can make a difference,” can you say clichéd?  I can.  My response to his somewhat rhetorical question was “By speaking out about atrocities in this world, injust matters, and unethical means of obtaining what is desired, I can slowly change the world.  People will follow a leader, and at the moment no true leader has emerged.  I plan on becoming that leader, I want open records for all.”  My teacher looked at me oddly, as if he were thinking about what I had just said.  He never thinks.  I had just created history.

My greatest fear is that we will forget history.  History happens in order to prevent the same mistakes from recurring.  If we don’t do anything to prevent that, our future will become oblivion. 

Oblivion is scary.

eter-ni-ty: 1. The infinate duration. 2. Immortality
December 11, 2009, 6:02 pm
Filed under: Nature, Ramblings, Words | Tags: , , , ,

I don’t believe that there is a divine force out there.  Sure, we have freedom, love, and joy, but I have a difficult time finding that it is derivative from “above.”   Truly, what’s to say that there is a divine force “below,”  and now there is a negative connotation with things that are below, they are now considered lesser, or evil.  I mean, God could even be on this earth, why is that so difficult to grasp.  Although I am an atheist, I believe that this earth is our final destination.  It’s truly remarkable.

The word, forever, has a negative connotation itself.  Forever is received as a death sentence, a loss of freedom.  When you have a child, you are the parent.  Forever.  Nothing can change that fact, and therefore it seems frightening.

If I could, I’d lie in a field for eternity.  The grass grows so slowly, yet the miracle of it just inspires me.  The fresh smell of dew in the morning is like caffeine for the soul.  What could be better in life?  Everyone wants to be at peace with life, at peace with themselves, but I prefer being at peace with the earth.  The earth is what we call home, we use its resources as a means of nutrition.

Why, in life there are obstacles.  Everything in this world has strings attached, but that has already been established.  Would you rather be held down by one hardship for eternity, or reminisce on one memory for your life?

I believe eternity is composed of simple pleasures: fresh-cut grass, fireworks on the Fourth of July, running barefoot on the beach, and lying in a bed with cotton sheets that just came in from the clothesline.

So, eternity may seem like a malady; it is a blessing to me.